Four Responses to Rejection from Unpublished Writer Donald J. Trump

1

Dear writer,

Thank you for the opportunity to read your work. Unfortunately, your short story, “The Greatest Witch Hunt,” does not suit our needs at this time.

Sincerely,

The Editor

* * *

Dear so-called “Editor,”

You may not know this, or maybe you do, I don’t know, but “The Greatest Witch Hunt” is based on TRUE events. The media will try to say “false” but they are TRUE. Publishing this story would be unpresidented. Unless you are the fakemedia. FAKES don’t get Trump stories..

DJT

2

Dear Mr. Trump,

We are sorry to say that we will be passing on your story, “Enemy of the People.” Though we enjoyed the distinct voice of this piece, we found the story to be disjointed and a little hard to follow. Further, the scene where a White House aide violently stabs a journalist and receives a standing ovation was a little too much for us. We wish you the best of luck in your publishing endeavors.

Best,

The Editor

* * *

Editor, if you can call yourself that,

You must be a real bitch in person. A real dog of a woman.

DJT

3

Dear writer,

Unfortunately, we’re passing on this one. In the future, please make sure to follow our Submissions Guidelines. We cannot accept submissions by mail, especially in ransom-note cut-and-paste fashion.

Best of luck,

The Editors

* * *

Editors,

….You clearly did not understand the piece I sent you. It was clear. Very clear. You are all FAKES. DEMOCRATS. Very bad. If you do not publish this piece, you will be very sorry. Very sorry..

DJT

4

Dear Donald,

We are delighted to say we have chosen your story for publication! “DJT, the True American Hero” is a brilliant satire of modern American politics. We have rarely seen such keen satirical wit since the writings of Jane Austen. You perfectly capture the tension between corporate control of the state and the malleability of the American public. We have attached a contract below. Please return a signed copy when you have a chance.

Congratulations!

The Editors

* * *

Editors,

I have to say I’m not surprised. This story is one that hits the CORE of American people. Hilary wouldn’t say it. She’s still lying. I AM the True american Hero. Even little rocket man thinks so. I didn’t attach the contract because I don’t respect contracts. I do have a few questions. When will I be published? Can I share it on Twitter? Can I tweet it paragraph by paragraph? How many Twitter followers do you have?

Ok. OK. Last question…. What is satire?

Yours,

Donald J. Trump

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