An Open Letter to Those Who Oppose “Justice” and “Open Debate” from a Bunch of White Writers for Some Reason

In response to Harper’s Magazine’s “A Letter on Justice and Open Debate”

Dear Readers,

These are trying times, what with everyone’s destination weddings having to be moved to their forty-acre backyards, and our maid services dropping us like the crumpled up New Yorker pages we use to wipe our asses, only to leave them lying around the mansion for said maids to pick up. Everyone is struggling, but many of us have still taken action against Injustice. Important movement is happening in racial and social justice, but another type of movement is growing, too. A movement of insubordination—I mean insurrection. (Oof, sorry, we get those mixed up.) You—followers, readers, writers—have turned against your childhood favorites to demand that we (checks notes) simply stop spreading hatred and violence against marginalized people. This letter is to say that you are just as bad as Trump.

I beg of you to discard your wanton hatred of me, the writer who graduated from implicitly racist, anti-Semitic, and sexist writing to full-fledged Twitter tirades on how trans women are RUINING bathrooms for me (I’m too afraid to use my own, you know, thus the shit-pages). And yes, I know that the very trans people I dehumanize day after day are the most vulnerable population with the highest rates of suicide, sexual assault, and homelessness, but let me tell you. WOMEN—yes that word still exists—WOMEN are the real victims here. They can’t use BATHROOMS out of fear that a timid introverted trans woman might hear them release a rogue fart in the other stall. Yes, most women support trans women, but they are SLAVES to the trans community. We used to call them Handmaids, but the author of that book asked us not to and agreed to sign this letter, so now we just call them slaves. Let me hand the baton to her.

Yes, it is I, the author of the quintessential novel on the sexual violence of the patriarchy, and though I believe trans and Black and Asian and Jewish people matter and should never be caricaturized or demonized, I felt it necessary to participate in this debate, too. Yes, this is a DEBATE, because we are a CIVILIZED people. I only save one-sided conversations for the many letters, tweets, and other correspondence I receive questioning my adaptation of the slavery of millions of Black people to the slavery of (mostly) white women in a dystopic America. And yes, I do use those letters to wipe my ass, because I too have sworn off bathrooms. I, in solidarity with my sisters who for too long have scrubbed the toilet bowls of powerful men, refuse to scrub my own, or hire a maid to do it, but the letters makes for wonderful tissue. I keep the soiled letters in my office as a testament to the importance of tolerant, free discourse.

But back to you, the illiberal turds. The freedom of information and ideas is daily being stripped away by your intolerance of our explicit bigotry or support of well-known bigots or, in the case of the male victims of this stain on history, their trivialization of or voiced desire to sexually assault women and children or documented history of sexually assaulting women and children. Yes, we do center our transmisogyny on protecting women and children, and no, we don’t see contradiction in identifying ourselves with the majority of victims of cancel culture: rapists. Do you know who the other major group of cancellation victims are: racists. This doesn’t bother us, because when we speak of defending women and children we actually forget that women and children can be non-white. Can you IMAGINE?

And before you say it again, Open Debate and Justice have NOT been relegated to only rich, white heterosexual people in the past. That is just FALSE, and you’re a Nazi for saying so. Yes, the first cancel culture was of the wealthy elite discarding insurrectionist—sorry, insubordinate—wait, no, disobedient—fuck, no, we meant disadvantaged—people (mostly the poor, women, queer people, disabled people, Black people, Indigenous people, and people of color, BLAH BLAH BLAH) at will, and yes that is maybe, possibly, still how things work, but we are livid at your stated desire to hold us accountable for our hatred and, sometimes, violence. You have victimized us, not by stripping us of our wealth, dignity, or media attention, but by spreading word that you don’t support us and others, maybe, shouldn’t, too. We’re not worried, though. Like the shit littering the floors of our homes, you illiberal turds will be expelled and ignored, just like you deserve.

Respectfully,

A Bunch of White Writers Furious About Accountability

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