Mr. and Mrs. Hamburglar to Speak at Republican National Convention: McDonaldland Residents Weigh In

Nearly two months after the now-infamous Mr. and Mrs. Hamburglar stepped onto the manicured lawn of their McMansion and threatened Black Lives Matter protesters with weapons, the couple has agreed to speak at the U.S. Republican National Convention. McDonaldland residents had not anticipated this glaring and sometimes unwelcome spotlight. Prominent community members and everyday citizens […]

13 Signs Your Tinder Date is Actually a Federal Agent in Town to Disappear You

BEWARE! Your Tinder Date may actually be a federal agent looking to disappear you for practicing your First Amendment rights! Spread the word! Signs that he is IN FACT here to throw you into an unmarked van: His profile pic looks like this: sport sunglasses, baseball cap, and a black polo unbuttoned just far enough […]

8 New Ben & Jerry’s Flavors from a Flavor Expert with No F*cks Left to Give

Happy National Ice Cream Day! For your enjoyment, here are eight new Social Justice-flavored recipes that are, unfortunately, fictitious. This list was inspired by Ben & Jerry’s statement on George Floyd’s murder. 1. No Modern Slavery Four Berry  – Orange Sherbet with strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, and the abolition of the prison-industrial complex.                Prison Labor […]

Four Responses to Rejection from Unpublished Writer Donald J. Trump

1 Dear writer, Thank you for the opportunity to read your work. Unfortunately, your short story, “The Greatest Witch Hunt,” does not suit our needs at this time. Sincerely, The Editor * * * Dear so-called “Editor,” You may not know this, or maybe you do, I don’t know, but “The Greatest Witch Hunt” is […]

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